you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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