She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
