If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
