My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just had sex bonerless
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There r osticjed everywhere
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
