So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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