My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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