In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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