There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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