Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
