I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
