Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
