You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
