well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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