I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
