Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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