I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
