Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
