I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
