I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
