The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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