Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
