I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize