On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
