It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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