those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
