she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
