I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
