I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
