So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
