Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
