U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
