Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
