She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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