I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
