if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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