quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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