I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
