We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
