we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
