Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
