Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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