On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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