Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
