I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
