Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
