hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
