people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
