I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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