WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
