Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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