guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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