don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
