so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
